Following this week’s passage through the senate of additional funding for the IDF’s campaign to force Palestinians out of Gaza, the IDF has announced that they discovered a Hamas Headquarters located at all times directly beneath Senator Bernie Sanders - one of only three Democratic senators who opposed additional unconditional funding. Asked for evidence to back up their claims, the IDF provided a crude crayon drawing of Senator Sanders holding hands with Ismail Haniyeh, with the caption “Bernie and Haniyeh sittin’ in a tree”.
At press time, Prime Minister of Israel, Benjamin Neyanyahu was announcing his plans to annex and occupy Vermont alongside Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer who announced the Senate would take up approval of the annexation next week.