In oral arguments over the Colorado Supreme Court decision to remove Trump from the ballot in Colorado over his attempted coup and actual insurrection on January 6th, 2023 John Roberts bemoaned his frustration over having to actually interpret the constitution. Bemoaning that following the constitution would create more work later for the court as it would have to evaluate hypothetical cases of Republican Legislatures removing candidates in bad faith, Roberts proposed that the court would make all future decisions instead via Ouija board.
Roberts commented “This is about the 14th Amendment? There’s just too many of these to keep track of. I think the best way we can adhere closely to how 18th century slaveholders would want to run the country is to turn to a source trusted by millions of Americans, the Ouija board. By switching to the Ouija board doctrine the court should be able to reach conclusive decisions in cases in mere minutes and ensure that the United States is forever prevented from advancing as a society, just as the founders wanted.”