Local Interest

Here in beautiful Shit Pond Minnesota with the Chief of Police Marcellus Wallace the local teen outreach program is expanding with a new field trip. “When we spoke to the teens in our community they expressed their interest in ultraviolence and extrajudicial killings. Here at the Shit Pond police we consider these to be core value of our department and it was an oversight that this was previously not a part of the teen outreach program. [Read More]

Local man Jarmothy Chazwick has opened a lawsuit against the Ty Corporation - best known for their product “Beanie Babies”. Jarmothy’s suit claims that Beanie Babies are marketed falsely - and contain neither babies nor beans. Reached for comment, his attorney Jessica Bebop had this to say.

Reached for comment, the Ty Corporation clarified that the plastic nodules in Beanie Babies are in fact edible, but non-nutritive.